Iraq -- The Psychological Effects of Terror

The Neurotic Iraqi Wife has given up on democratic reform. She writes:

I dont like being here, in fact I cant stand it anymore. These words are very difficult to utter even to myself cuz its a sign of weakness, its a sign of hopelessness, but it is the truth and the only truth that I came to realize. Im disappointed in myself for feeling that way but there you go I ve said it.

Now all I can think about is going away, leaving, packing my bags and never coming back. But Im afraid, Im afraid if I do that I will lose my HUBBY, lose him for good. I had hopes and dreams when I came here, I had a different picture in my mind and Im really disappointed and disgusted at the same time. HUBBY and I lost someone we got to know. Someone extremely kind, extremely funny, extremely spiritual. I cant say more about how we lost him for he aint found yet, and theres that little tiny voice that says keep the faith, he might be still here, breathing the same air, looking at the same stars. But the news came as huge shock to all of us and somehow changed something deep inside.

I ve lost hope in the future of Iraq. I know many of you will find this distrubing but this is generally my own views and what I came to realize by being here. Im sorry, but the free democratic Iraq we all are hoping for wont take place, not now, not in 5 years not even in 10 years unless we get a real government who cares sincerely about the Iraqi people. Iraq needs someone who is honest yet firm, someone who is caring, yet strong. Someone who really is serious in building a country and reviving the people.

People here have no faith in anyone anymore. All the dreams they had during the elections have evaporated, all the hopes have gone and now they live their day just to survive the moment. Some people might think Im painting a very dark picture, Im sorry, but the picture I see from where Im at is dark, extremely dark. Yes you see schools being rehabilitated, yes you see hospitals getting renovated , yes you see construction taking place, bridges, roads, airports, but what does all this mean if people cant enjoy what they see. What do newly painted schools mean, when children get kidnapped???

What does this whole reconstruction mean when you cant even go out and enjoy it. I look at peoples eyes and theres no lustre, its filled with sadness and hopelessness, even me, when I used to see that before, I would try to make them feel better by saying things will change, just give it time, now I dont even dare say these words, for I dont believe in them myself. And whoever says things will change is a dreamer. People are still living in dire circumstances. Electricity is barely there, do you know how that feels when you are in this scorching heat??? Water is not continious. Corruption is everywhere. What kind of a life is this??? Yet Im amazed at how Iraqis are so resilient, they really are survivors, they really have the spirit of Life.

This is the toll that terrorism takes on a population -- the insidious deterioration of hope, the rising tide of despair. What is disturbing is her hope for the emergence of a strong man -- someone who can bring order to Iraq, and that kind of submissive hope is antithetical to the democratic process.

Read her blog here.